The Conundrum

I have been threatening to write a blog about some of my experiences in the dating realm and call it "Are You My Lover?" Remember the children's book "Are You My Mother?" It is a classic. The baby bird is born while the mother bird is out digging for worms. The baby bird falls from the nest and proceeds to journey forth into the unknown world asking all manner of animals and objects if they are indeed his mother. Finally, he does find his mother.

Like many who are single, (over 50% of adults) I journey forth regularly into the vast terrain of dating asking metaphorically, "Are you my lover?" I have garnered some pretty interesting dating experiences over the years. The conundrum is how does one stay positive and tell something that may be negative? Even the most unfortunate of relationships can yield a positive nugget somewhere along the way. If you lived to tell the story you are in good shape! If you did not live to tell the story, then thankfully, you won't be reading this right now.

One of the most important things to be learned is who is NOT going to be your lover. If you can learn that, then you, dear person, are well on your way.

Recent experience with a man that shall remain nameless, but we will call him Larry just because: I had just been dumped by a man that I really thought might be "THE ONE". Actually, it was a mutual dumping. So, me and my posse met up for some liquid consolation. We went to a local watering hole, and as we sat at our table, we noticed two rather decent looking men at the bar. I made goo-goo eyes at the cutest one and he returned the favor. Shortly, the one we are calling "Larry" sauntered over to ask what did we think of the food. Within minutes he had my number. Footnote: train your girlfriends to offer your number. It really cuts through a lot of b.s. and if they aren't interested they won't call anyway. Even though Larry was just a slight bit tubby, my friend Bonnie suggested that we could always put him on a diet. "Oh, yes", we all agreed. After a drink or two we all left. I almost forgot the earlier dumping!

Larry called and just two days later we got together. We had a really nice time. He was even better looking than I remembered. (Always a bonus.) We made plans to see each other the very next day. It was Sunday and early in the football season, so we watched the game together. Another good date. Now I am getting really happy. I thought, maybe this was the whole reason for the dumping. All things working together just to bring me to this great guy. Life has a purpose!

I went out of town for work and when I returned Larry invited me over to his house. Wow! It was spectacular. The furnishings were exquisite. What taste! This was a true bonus. Nice guy and nice house. Everything seemed really natural, too. He did not have a lot of pretenses, and I felt really relaxed with out a lot of struggling. Sometimes thing just don't feel easy. I have experienced that. This was a nice change.

We had Thanksgiving together with just a few guests. We both cooked and one of his sons came. I seemed to fit in very well with Larry's friends. We had spent the night together, but no sex yet. Are you my lover? Maybe, I thought, maybe.

The next weekend, we met out on Friday night. Since Larry lived across town from me, we met at a place between us. As the evening progressed, I noted that he was really slamming the drinks. We'd had cocktails at every meeting, which I don't consider that unusual. But, this night he was really going at it. He had his back turned to me most of the eve while chatting up two presumably wealthy older gentlemen at the bar. He was getting DRUNK. Shortly, we decided to go up the street and eat at another destination. I offered to drive, but he insisted. At the restaurant, he really got loud. When I ask to be excused to the ladies room he said, "I'm giving you seven minutes. Hurry up!" While I was gone he knocked over my drink. Just a short time later Larry mentioned that one of my girlfriends had a great body. This ship was sinkin' fast. When he started to insult me, that was the last straw. I got up, looked him in the eye and said, "Goodnight", and walked out of the restaurant. Thankfully, my car was just a few blocks away.

Larry called me three or four times that night, but I thought best to not speak to him while he was in that condition. However, the next day when he called I did pick up. He was very contrite and did not even remember what had transpired in the second half of the evening. I appreciated that he was apologetic, but it looked to me like this was going to be par for the course. I did send him an email later detailing the events of the night, some of which are not mentioned here.

What did I take from this experience? I learned a couple of important things. 1)Larry is NOT my lover! 2)If you don't have your car, at least have cab fare! 3) Sometimes saying goodbye is the best thing you can say.