I have been threatening to write a blog about some of my experiences in the dating realm and call it "Are You My Lover?" Remember the children's book "Are You My Mother?" It is a classic. The baby bird is born while the mother bird is out digging for worms. The baby bird falls from the nest and proceeds to journey forth into the unknown world asking all manner of animals and objects if they are indeed his mother. Finally, he does find his mother.
Like many who are single, (over 50% of adults) I journey forth regularly into the vast terrain of dating asking metaphorically, "Are you my lover?" I have garnered some pretty interesting dating experiences over the years. The conundrum is how does one stay positive and tell something that may be negative? Even the most unfortunate of relationships can yield a positive nugget somewhere along the way. If you lived to tell the story you are in good shape! If you did not live to tell the story, then thankfully, you won't be reading this right now.
One of the most important things to be learned is who is NOT going to be your lover. If you can learn that, then you, dear person, are well on your way.
Recent experience with a man that shall remain nameless, but we will call him Larry just because: I had just been dumped by a man that I really thought might be "THE ONE". Actually, it was a mutual dumping. So, me and my posse met up for some liquid consolation. We went to a local watering hole, and as we sat at our table, we noticed two rather decent looking men at the bar. I made goo-goo eyes at the cutest one and he returned the favor. Shortly, the one we are calling "Larry" sauntered over to ask what did we think of the food. Within minutes he had my number. Footnote: train your girlfriends to offer your number. It really cuts through a lot of b.s. and if they aren't interested they won't call anyway. Even though Larry was just a slight bit tubby, my friend Bonnie suggested that we could always put him on a diet. "Oh, yes", we all agreed. After a drink or two we all left. I almost forgot the earlier dumping!
Larry called and just two days later we got together. We had a really nice time. He was even better looking than I remembered. (Always a bonus.) We made plans to see each other the very next day. It was Sunday and early in the football season, so we watched the game together. Another good date. Now I am getting really happy. I thought, maybe this was the whole reason for the dumping. All things working together just to bring me to this great guy. Life has a purpose!
I went out of town for work and when I returned Larry invited me over to his house. Wow! It was spectacular. The furnishings were exquisite. What taste! This was a true bonus. Nice guy and nice house. Everything seemed really natural, too. He did not have a lot of pretenses, and I felt really relaxed with out a lot of struggling. Sometimes thing just don't feel easy. I have experienced that. This was a nice change.
We had Thanksgiving together with just a few guests. We both cooked and one of his sons came. I seemed to fit in very well with Larry's friends. We had spent the night together, but no sex yet. Are you my lover? Maybe, I thought, maybe.
The next weekend, we met out on Friday night. Since Larry lived across town from me, we met at a place between us. As the evening progressed, I noted that he was really slamming the drinks. We'd had cocktails at every meeting, which I don't consider that unusual. But, this night he was really going at it. He had his back turned to me most of the eve while chatting up two presumably wealthy older gentlemen at the bar. He was getting DRUNK. Shortly, we decided to go up the street and eat at another destination. I offered to drive, but he insisted. At the restaurant, he really got loud. When I ask to be excused to the ladies room he said, "I'm giving you seven minutes. Hurry up!" While I was gone he knocked over my drink. Just a short time later Larry mentioned that one of my girlfriends had a great body. This ship was sinkin' fast. When he started to insult me, that was the last straw. I got up, looked him in the eye and said, "Goodnight", and walked out of the restaurant. Thankfully, my car was just a few blocks away.
Larry called me three or four times that night, but I thought best to not speak to him while he was in that condition. However, the next day when he called I did pick up. He was very contrite and did not even remember what had transpired in the second half of the evening. I appreciated that he was apologetic, but it looked to me like this was going to be par for the course. I did send him an email later detailing the events of the night, some of which are not mentioned here.
What did I take from this experience? I learned a couple of important things. 1)Larry is NOT my lover! 2)If you don't have your car, at least have cab fare! 3) Sometimes saying goodbye is the best thing you can say.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Only four more years on the planet!
Fellow humans,
I just watched a History Channel production and learned that the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. Thank God, I will get to celebrate my birthday which is December 20 (every year). The Mayan calender simply stops on that date. The Mayans were really into the seasons and observing astrological phenomenon and the fact that they stopped on that date is taken quite seriously by many. Incidently, there is a galactic alignment scheduled to occur about that same time which could unleash a myriad of unpleasant natural cataclysmic events. The solar event may be so powerful that it causes the magnetic field of the earth to be disrupted. Well, that just sounds pretty bad! Climactic changes, volcanic eruptions, you know, all the stuff that succeeds a magnetic disruption.
That said, I think we all need to just get down to the brass tacks of living our lives the way we find most satisfying. I hope that 2009 is just everything that our little hearts desire. My year has certainly started with a bang. Only the 13th, and I have had several promising dates. If we only have 4 more years of fun before things turn icky I don't think we want to waste too much time.
Speaking of wasted time, I have gone cold turkey since January 1st not having any communication with the ex boyfriend. This is a decision that has been made at least 50 times before but really seems to be sticking this time--thanks heavens! It may be true that as long we keep one foot in the past, we can't manifest a good wholesome future.
My big endeavor is to mindful about who I am attracting into my life. At times I have been somewhat cavalier about whom I have dated. It can be difficult to get a feel for how balanced a person is unless there are glaring deeds such as past arrest records and narcotics in the glove box. It isn't easy to quantify someones worthiness. Don't forget to bring a psychologist's intake form on all dates!
Love is like an exploding cigar that we willingly smoke!
I just watched a History Channel production and learned that the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. Thank God, I will get to celebrate my birthday which is December 20 (every year). The Mayan calender simply stops on that date. The Mayans were really into the seasons and observing astrological phenomenon and the fact that they stopped on that date is taken quite seriously by many. Incidently, there is a galactic alignment scheduled to occur about that same time which could unleash a myriad of unpleasant natural cataclysmic events. The solar event may be so powerful that it causes the magnetic field of the earth to be disrupted. Well, that just sounds pretty bad! Climactic changes, volcanic eruptions, you know, all the stuff that succeeds a magnetic disruption.
That said, I think we all need to just get down to the brass tacks of living our lives the way we find most satisfying. I hope that 2009 is just everything that our little hearts desire. My year has certainly started with a bang. Only the 13th, and I have had several promising dates. If we only have 4 more years of fun before things turn icky I don't think we want to waste too much time.
Speaking of wasted time, I have gone cold turkey since January 1st not having any communication with the ex boyfriend. This is a decision that has been made at least 50 times before but really seems to be sticking this time--thanks heavens! It may be true that as long we keep one foot in the past, we can't manifest a good wholesome future.
My big endeavor is to mindful about who I am attracting into my life. At times I have been somewhat cavalier about whom I have dated. It can be difficult to get a feel for how balanced a person is unless there are glaring deeds such as past arrest records and narcotics in the glove box. It isn't easy to quantify someones worthiness. Don't forget to bring a psychologist's intake form on all dates!
Love is like an exploding cigar that we willingly smoke!
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