Relationship DNR

Ever had a problem ending a terminally diseased relationship? Maybe your love was unrequited, but you were still obsessed with the person. Or more than likely, when you realized that this person had NO LONG TERM POTENTIAL, you still kept going back trying to rewrite history. Jerry Seinfeld likens break-ups to trying to turn over a big vending machine. You can never just push it over in one try. First, you must get it rocking, then finally, with enough leverage, down it goes.

I could be the world's worst at quick, clean endings. It's something I'm getting better at though. (Practice, practice, practice!) In the medical world a DNR is an advanced directive written by a physician or individual that resuscitation should not be attempted if a person suffers cardiac or respiratory arrest. Such orders may be instituted when resuscitation would not alter the outcome of a disease and is designed to prevent unnecessary suffering. It is commonly ordered when someone has an inevitably, fatal illness. DNR: DO NOT RESUSCITATE! Hello? Listen up people--I see a correlation here!

I have for many years followed the research of Doctor Helen Fisher. She is an anthropologist that has studied the effects of romantic love on our biology. With all her studies, she has become one of the most sympathetic of all to the plight of the broken-hearted. The pain of the jilted shows up in brain scans! For heaven's sake, these people are really hurting. The same centers that are activated when on cocaine are lit up in the brains of those that suffer from love's dis-ease. Evidently, when we experience rejection, we actually become more engulfed by feelings of love. We recalculate over and over our perceived loss. Intense focus on the beloved and intense motivation may cause us to risk all for love. Emily Dickinson said, "Parting is all we need to know of Hell".

So, we see and have felt the sting of love lost. Now, thanks to modern science, we have proof that heartbreak is more than just some surface affectation. What behaviors can help to overcome the intensity of emotion? Have we any hope of mitigating the pain? Have we any tools to help keep us from crashing through the window of our beloved when they are sleeping (already!) with someone new? (This actually happened to a guy friend.) Oh, yes, dear pilgrims, once in a blue moon a GRANDE GESTURE will win your loved one back and you may live happily ever after. And may I say, bravo, if that is what is merited. However, for those of us that knew all along that we were with MR. or MRS. WRONGO the pain still feels the same. We must simple have a directive: DNR.

Do Not Resuscitate this doomed and diseased relationship. DNR and you will save yourself much unnecessary suffering. Do not call while drunk! Do not allow them to come by to get some of the basil that you lovingly planted together. Do not cave in when he calls you needing a new toothbrush, and only you know the right brand. (This was my personal favorite--I went and bought the toothbrush, too.) Above all don't do anything that will get you arrested.

There is no remedy that will give immediate relief. Eventually, the dopamine centers will quiet. In time, the attachment will fade. One day you will be able to say, "All I have left of you are my cherished misconceptions". And all the faster if you DNR!