Why am I happier alone?

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day revered by flower shops and jewelry stores and reviled by singles. This fact was not lost on me as I drove by restaurants that were bulging with patrons as early as five o'clock. Nary a reservation to be had for later in the evening, no doubt. As I drove down Main Street and viewed the spectacle, it dawned upon me that this was the first year in many that I wasn't one of the lucky sops. Hmmm, how do I feel about that? Do I feel left out? As I drove toward my destination, I took a little self evaluation, since I had no roses to arrange and would be eating a can of beans for dinner.

Before you get out the hanky know that I am dating-- like a crazy woman! And, yes, I did have dinner the previous evening with a lovely gentleman; Kobe beef and lobster sushi to die for. But, I am not enmeshed, embroiled, or otherwise entangled in a big, hairy relationship. As I consider myself a relationship person, it was with some surprise that I had to admit, "I am Happy! I feel amazingly content!" Why, it was unprecedented for me to have such a sense of well being and completeness alone. Upon further examination, I had to confess that I am happier now than I have been in some of my past relationships. This sobering thought deserved some attention. Why am I happier alone?

We seek to pair bond. One doesn't have to ask the oracle of wisdom to figure that out. Whether homosexual or heterosexual, we want to love and be loved. So, can we deduce from that fact that it is unnatural to enjoy being alone? The easy answer is always best, correct? Go from the simplest explanation to the most complex. Simple answer #1) It's in the choosing one's mate. If you find yourself happier alone than awakening in the arms of a lover, maybe you are choosing your lovers poorly! Ouch, I tried the shoe on and it fits! Now, I am not saying that I have dated cads, ex parolees or individuals with lengthy arrest records; quite the opposite. There was nothing wrong with them that couldn't have been fixed with a little Prozac and a polo mallet. In the final analysis I admit that I have, at times, been attracted to, let's just say, COMPLICATED men, the dark, mysterious, tempestuous, alpha male types that have "issues".

I would like to say, in my defense, that I believe certain men have been attracted to me because I am balanced and don't carry around lots of unexamined baggage. Yes, that sounds good. Some times we can't see or refuse to see the conflicts of another. NO MORE! From this day forward I am off complicated men! I will seek simple, happy, positive men or none at all. If I feel an urge for something super complex I will ponder the twelve types of quarks and how they are categorized by color or some other phenom. Do not check baggage here! This line for carry-ons only.

My new dating mantra has been tested already. On New Year's eve I met a very attractive man. We were both looking for someone to kiss at midnight. It may seem a bit bizarre, but it is worth some planning or you could be stuck kissing someone completely unappealing. Turns out we really liked each other and had another date just a few days later. After several weeks, I started to see some negative traits. This is probably where my guidance system has failed me in the past. I've been too willing to overlook BIG flaws. The people we date tell us about themselves, but often times we just don't listen and continue to see what we wish for. The man actually told me that he is difficult to live with and that his rigidity was ultimately responsible for the demise of his marriage. Ok, that's all I needed to know and, by the way, thanks for the info!

Difficult? Inflexible to a fault? And this is HIM telling me that. Yes, I liked him. Yes, he was very handsome and successful. Could I have continued to see him until the point of no return? Yes. The point of no return is reached when you start having a physical relationship; when the orgasms start, so does the emotional cathecting--deep attachment. If you are a man, heads up here! If you did not already know, when a woman has an orgasm oxytocin, a powerful hormone, is released into the bloodstream. This is the hormone that is released during the strong contractions of childbirth and that causes the mother to bond with the baby. That's why I refer to the drug of sex as the point of no return. Breaking up after orgasmic sex will be much more emotional. That's really an understatement. Was I going to go there with Mr. I'm Difficult? No, I can actually learn from my previous experience. I never returned his last message. Even though there was some intrigue, I knew I would be happier alone.

This issue is genderless. My guy friends regale me with the stories of neurotic women that they have met and dated. But, it seems to me that men are less likely to continue dating someone when faced with deal breaking imperfections. Do you think this is a correct assumption? Could it be that women still feel the burden of social stigma when single, and as a result are willing to compromise themselves with less than mates?

I, for one, am happier alone.