Shalom in the Bedroom

Recently, I saw a show on the tele that was focusing on one of my favorite subjects--humanology. I coined the term by the way--the study of all things pertaining to humans. There was a voice new to me--Rabbi Shmuley, as he is called. He is like the voice of one crying in the wilderness and what he was saying was soooooo true. Our society is saturated with sexual imagery and connotation and yet one third of marriages are sexless; many of the others sexually unsatisfying. What is going on here? Are you in a sexually satisfying relationship? It's been so long since I have been in a sexual relationship that my Doctor has given me an ultimatum--"Use it or lose it, Lady"! She suggested that I stop by the Adult Fun Store; I did.

I had to know what the Rabbi's book was all about. "The Kosher Sutra". Wow! Drive, don't walk, to the nearest megabookmart and check out what he has to say. Some of the imagery is wonderfully graphic! Do what I did and just hunker down in the aisle and read away. He describes the relationship that most people say they want to have, and gives us the formula for keeping eroticism alive even if you've been together since the dawn of creation. You might be able to catch a snippet on Amazon. I googled him and there is a wealth of info there. He addresses the devaluing of men. Our society has come to equate success with the ability to provide wealth and little else is considered meaningful.

The good Rabbi says that we are guilty of living horizontally, (an inch deep and a mile wide) instead of the better way of living vertically. We can live more deeply by bestowing those we love with the five a's: attention, appreciation, acceptance, affection and allowing. Folks, this will take some conversation and some action. I just saw a cartoon in The New Yorker that depicts a couple in bed, the man reaches over to embrace the woman. She says, "Or we could just turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us". Funny and yet, sadly, too true!

Some things that are worth having are not obtained instantaneously. Our financial institutions have been exposed as rife with greed. People are returning to simpler values. Perhaps this is a good time to take stock of our relational deficits as well. Hmm, perhaps if our innate desire to love and be loved were being fulfilled, that satisfaction would spread to other areas of our lives and there would be less need for superficiality all around.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has a show called "Shalom in the home". He is the author of several great books of uncommon common sense.